What the Window Let In

I did not plan to clean that morning. I noticed the window first—the streaks where last night’s rain had dried unevenly. Light came through anyway, but fractured. I stood there longer than necessary, watching how dust showed up only when the sun hit it at an angle.

Cleaning started with the glass because it was contained. One surface. One task. Studies on behavioral activation show that starting with small, clearly defined activities can improve follow-through and reduce avoidance when energy is low (Martell et al.). I filled a bowl with warm water and a small amount of dish soap and worked in slow circles.

Health showed up as awareness. I paid attention to my wrists, stopped when they tightened, switched hands. Repetitive light tasks can still cause strain if done without pauses, especially during low baseline energy days (National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health). I leaned back against the counter between sections and let my shoulders drop.

As the window cleared, the room looked larger. That was not an illusion. Increased light exposure indoors is associated with improved alertness and circadian regulation, particularly in the morning hours (Cheung et al.). I noticed the shift in my body before I named it. Breathing felt less shallow.

Acceptance arrived unexpectedly. I had not finished everything I meant to yesterday. The floor still needed attention. There were emails unanswered. Acceptance did not mean excusing those things. It meant not punishing myself for them. Psychological acceptance has been linked to lower stress reactivity and improved emotional regulation over time (Hayes et al.). I chose not to stack yesterday on top of today.

I rinsed the cloth and wrung it out carefully. Water dripped into the sink in steady intervals. Repetitive sensory input, when non-demanding, can support grounding during mild stress (Porges). I stayed with the sound long enough for my thoughts to slow.

Motivation did not push me forward. It followed behind. After the window, I wiped the sill. After the sill, the table edge. Completing one task increased my confidence to begin another, a process associated with self-efficacy development (Bandura). I stopped before fatigue set in. That was intentional.

Freedom showed up in the decision to stop. Not because the work was done, but because I was. Autonomy in pacing is associated with better mental health outcomes, especially for people managing fluctuating capacity (Deci and Ryan). I left the rest of the room as it was.

I sat near the window afterward. The glass was clear enough now that the outside looked closer. Trees across the street moved slightly in the wind. I did not interpret it. I just noticed it.

Cleaning had not fixed anything large. It had not reorganized my life. But it had shifted the room, my body, and the direction of the morning. That was realistic progress.

Sometimes health is not improvement. It is maintenance. Sometimes motivation does not announce itself. It waits for space. And sometimes freedom looks like stopping early, sitting down, and letting the light come in without asking it to do more.

Works Cited (MLA)

Bandura, Albert. Self-Efficacy: The Exercise of Control. W. H. Freeman, 1997.

Cheung, Irene N. T., et al. “Impact of Daylight Exposure on Sleep, Mood, and Alertness.” Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine, vol. 15, no. 8, 2019, pp. 1121–1130.

Deci, Edward L., and Richard M. Ryan. “The ‘What’ and ‘Why’ of Goal Pursuits.” Psychological Inquiry, vol. 11, no. 4, 2000, pp. 227–268.

Hayes, Steven C., et al. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Guilford Press, 2012.

Martell, Christopher R., et al. Behavioral Activation for Depression. Guilford Press, 2010.

National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health. Ergonomic Guidelines for Repetitive Tasks. CDC, 2018.

Porges, Stephen W. The Polyvagal Theory. W. W. Norton, 2011.